Category: Experiences

overflowing thoughts. partly expressed.

Its been a while since I felt this way. Felt what my internal emotions are like. The last 25-30 days has redefined me as a human being and I am continuing to learn through this phase.

The last time, I felt such a transition in me was during my tenure at Pune. Probably because I was suddenly moving along with people from vast culture and each of them had their own valuable opinion. This is similar now because I am with an organization which itself has a unique culture and every employee/colleague here are way too special.

I am mostly through high tide of emotions while with them. I have had people tell me great things that I wasn’t confident about myself. I have had constructive feedback on how I can become better. I am learning to get better because of their motivation – also because human mind aspires to make progress.

Year 2013

2013

Every year, we wish each other “happy new year”, “may you have more success, better health” and with all valuable words one can think of.

Here is praying sincerely for a better environment to live in, wishing for equality, looking forward to contribute to the needy and pledging not to contribute to inhumanity in this coming year 2013.

My apologies to one and all if I have intentionally or unintentionally hurt anyone in the previous years.

If all this got accomplished, I will be very glad to say – “Indeed, it was a happy year 2013” on December 31 2013.

God bless all of us!

Missing someone..

Its been quite a long time since I felt this way. I miss my friends, my campus usually.
But this time, its someone special. Someone whom I wish to spend a lot of time with.

Its quite a weird feeling when you miss your family.
You don’t feel sleepy.
You don’t want to eat.
You are distracted at your best.
You keep thinking of all the good memories.
You eagerly wait to receive an sms or call from your folks.
You wanna jump when you actually receive one.
You behave quite crazily.

Through all this, I wanna express that I miss my family.
Now.
Right now.
Very much.
Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated ~Lamartine
 

ANOTHER CHANCE – Book Review

A book with lot of emotions and much to the aptness of this blog, I pen down my experience reading ‘Another Chance’. This compelling novel on relationships is very much a personal thing for most of us.  Ruheen Oberoi is the central character of the narrative. She is described beautifully and much to her characterization, she belongs to a typical upper-middle class family. She gets pampered by ‘Nana’ (Grandpa) who is her only family.

The story time in the novel includes places like Mumbai, Shimla, Delhi, Paris, Amsterdam. These places are expressed in many words such that it enhances a reader to picture the same in his/her mind. The narrative structure of the story is non-linear/non-chronological; this makes it interesting and keeps the story gripping.

The story revolves around Ruheen and her life instances with various people, the kind of ups and downs she goes through with various men in her life, her determination to face life, her growing as a woman, her struggle in life, and finally realizes who the love of her life is.

First, there is Vishal, son of a Minister who stalks Ruheen. Then there is the hero of our book Aditya,  [Secretively wishes for a guy like him in my life ;)] whom Ruheen loves. But, trouble from Vishal makes Ruheen distant away from Aditya. Then, she moves on with her life. Meets stranger Rohan in a party. Decides hastily to marry and settle with him in London. Then she goes through a bad marriage life with him where she regrets her quick and unthoughtful decisions. Later, moves to Amsterdam and lives a solitude life. Here, she meets her love Aditya again who rescues her to Mumbai and starts living-in with him. Life and love grows in between them. She begins to feel insecure despite having all that she needs and its justified because of her past experiences. And then, she meets her childhood crush Varun who supports her during her tough times in Shimla. There is unconditional love from Aditya and Varun for Ruheen. Whom does she give another chance to be with her? Well. That’s the climax.

Few characters who made this book even more interesting – Meghna, Vidya, Mohan, Aarav (the sweet kid), Kishore.

Finally, this book is definitely worth reading for those who like emotions, relationships and love.

RELATIONSHIPS

Men are from Mars and Women from Venus. But, these living creatures meet up in Earth and end up having relationships. Since their childhood, they encounter various experiences in their life. But the unsolved mystery is that, they don’t really realize what is true love. True love is very subjective again.

During late 60’s in India, love was a very serious thing. Not everybody got the chance to love a person and get married. In reality, love then was merely knowing the person superficially before marriage. Then, culture evolved. Technology evolved. People evolved too. Therefore in early 80’s period, love marriage was much accepted in India [Especially after our Rajiv Gandhi-ji getting married to our very own Sonia Gandhi-ji. ;)]

Then, came the era of Digital media aka Internet technology (2000s). This took the world by a mighty storm. Love was all over the place and didn’t limit itself to the quote – “Love is in the air”. Love was in chat messengers, in emails, in all possible social networking sites like Orkut to our over-used word today, “Facebook”. People started to know each other through these mediums. They connected over Internet, then used Mobile technology to have a personal connect and then met in person when they trusted that they would not be stalked by the other.

Amidst all the revolution, evolution and the refining process for getting married to your loved one, we have lost the true essence of love. I personally agree that love is there in the form of liking, belonging, attraction for another person through these mediums. But very rarely in the form of love per say. In this fast moving digital world, research indicates that majority of today’s generation meet their life partners over the cyber medium. But always remember that falling in love with a person over this medium can turn a lot more disastrous.

Love is eternal. Completely agreed. But, with the right person, it makes more sense and feels like an experience of a life-time. Never regret about your past. They happened because they were meant to happen. Live life King size. It’s your life and you are the soul proprietor to decide what you would like to do with your life.

Here’s wishing one and all, that, they find their soul mates and live the most meaningful life with them. Peace.

VIJAYADASAMI DAY – A TRIBUTE TO MY TEACHERS

Well, let me begin with a funny cartoon that I came across relating a Music teacher and a student. 






October 17th 2010
Sunday

It was Vijayadasami day which is referred to as a day where students pay tribute to gurus. By doing so, they are letting one’s guru know how much they mean to their students.

To give an insight, Vijayadasami, is a day that follows the nine-day Navaratri festivities. This day celebrates the victory of good over evil, light over darkness, and knowledge over ignorance. It’s the day of Vidyarambham, when students are introduced to the world of learning. And in Chennai, this learning is either in the form of music/dance classes. For few, its also art classes these days.

My Vijayadasami day is always special. Its usually been the same. But this time, I thought of my past and wanted to mention few of my teachers who made an impact in my life. My first guru had always been my mom “Amma” who started teaching me shlokas and kutti (small) songs when I was around 2 or 3 years. She would make me repeat whatever she sang and slowly I began to learn. Then, my thatha (my maternal grandfather) took over. Since then, thatha had struggled a lot to make me what I am today as a vocalist. He bestowed all he could so that he could see me as one of the finest Carnatic Musician. This has always been his dreams. Thatha and the guru form in him never really complimented well. As a guru, he is definitely very strict and I respect him for whatever he is. As thatha, he is the best. Also, he has associated himself with promoting compositions of Saint Sri Narayana Theerthar. I wish to fulfill his dreams in the near future as a Carnatic Vocalist (of good standard) and help him with organizing music festivals and letting the world know more about Sri Narayana Theerthar.

Later, my music learning expanded to violin. I began with violin when I was almost 7 years but with all possible breaks, I would have changed atleast 7-8 gurus until I fixed with Akkarai Sri Swamynathan. Akkarai Sir, as he is fondly called by me, is truly inspiring. He is gem of a teacher and a person too. Never have I seen a person who had been selfless in helping others. He is a genuine human being I have come across in my life. I have had my share of experiences with him as a student, a family friend, a well wisher, a daughter at times and so on. It just didn’t stop with Sir, but, continued with both his daughters namely Akkarai S Subbulakshmi and Akkarai S  Swarnalatha (Akkarai Sisters) aka Sudha akka & Latha akka. I have shared a special bonding with both akkas. I have been like their little sister(at times an irritating one too). Words are not enough to appreciate their playing and dedication to music. To me, both akkas are role models. Its so true to adopt people of your age as role models than any older person because, you can relate well with the younger people quite often. I have never told to Sudha akka that she inspires me in all little things I do even in my daily life. But yeah, she does. These days when I stay alone in hostel, I would think of how as a toddler Sudha akka would go alone for concerts abroad and in India and still hold her never give up attitude. She is extremely hard working and a perfectionist. To all of her incredible talent, sir polished her talent and made her what she is today. Well, a special mention definitely goes to Latha akka who according to me is the best teacher in the making. She understands my weaknesses and filters all complexities when it comes to music and literally spoon feeds me at times. She allows me to experiment after she feels I have understood the musical concepts. I once upon a time used to spend days together in their house. I do miss those days. Wish, I can start learning the same way with Sir and akkas and become a decent violinist as well a good musician in the years to come.

Finally, about Chingleput Sri Ranganthan Sir. He is one of the best music teacher a student can get. I was lucky that I am his student. Along with thatha, I started learning from Ranganthan sir too. One thing I like about him is that he understands the pressure a student goes through and encourages them to do well in their academics too. I have heard a lot of my friends stating that their music teachers are extremely strict and all of that. But CR sir is like a cool dude types (atleast to me). He expects you to sing well in his classes and if you do so, you have made his day. There are days when I would sing the Kalpana Swarams perfect and he would just bless me saying, “Avalavu thaane! Idhukku poi bayandhudu irukulaama?” meaning “That’s it! Don’t be scared for these simple things”. CR sir holds huge respect among all his students and he can be extreme fun in cracking  jokes to us about how some great Carnatic Musicians would converse in his days as a student.

I wish that all my gurus stay hale and healthy and live for a long time. I also wish that they forgive me for not continuing classes until 2012. And guess, I shall practice to my best of ability.

DISAPPOINTMENT

Too many people. Too many things. Complication is the keyword here. Its been a while now handling all this patiently. Today I wanna speak my heart out. 
Person 1: 
Well, imagine this. You develop closeness with someone a lot. Care about this someone so much. Be the best person you can be with that person. Hmm. To describe her, lets call her ‘A’ as of now. She is one of my best friends. More than my best friend. A sister. A soulmate. I felt everything between us seems perfect. I see myself when I am with her. I have never had a sibling in my life and thought she was one.  I have tried my best to keep her comfortable around me. Its almost love for this woman. I admire a lot of things in her. I dislike a lot of things too in her which I tell her now and then. But things take a twist. Now. For sometime now. I admit that I get upset when someone doesn’t reciprocate my emotions the same way as I do. I feel little insecure because of past events in my life. 
Writing this post, I wonder how exactly I need to be with my friends? I really don’t understand how to react when they say, they can’t change but expect me to change. Maybe yes. Maybe no. What is right / wrong to you, need not be right and wrong to others. Its indeed a complex emotional state. You feel, you should just let go off the person. Then they claim, you take things seriously. It did hurt me today when ‘A’ started mentioning certain things. I never thought friends actually mention about the good deeds they do for others. Anyways, I have always acknowledged her for her good deeds. 
Lastly, friendship has always stayed good in my opinion, when your friends accept you completely for what you are and not expect you to be the way they want. And yeah, I am sorry if you thought I don’t understand you. But certain things, I can’t understand until and otherwise you mention what’s going on. Guess, I shall say sorry to ‘A’ now and be the normal way we were. 
Person 2:
Now, here is this person called ‘A’ again. Little intelligent, non stop blabber, and very friendly. We started speaking. Became good friends. And miscommunication happened and stopped speaking to this person. Then, started speaking to ‘A’ again. It seemed normal and suddenly, one fine day, ‘A’ doesn’t acknowledge my calls or my presence without any reason. I don’t understand what people really think? Do they think that I, as a person handle emotions like a mountain without any effect on me? Or they decided that I have no emotions at all? Hah! Sometimes, I pretend that way. I have emotions leaps and bounds. You don’t understand and you never will. 
In this case, I decided to leave things the way it is. “May we never confuse honest dissent with disloyal subversion”.
Disclaimers:
IN MY PAST 
  • I used to be this girl who would speak with a lot of people and be friends with a lot many more. I would bug them to death with all my love and affection. 
  • I would apologize to people like a kid even though mistakes were not on my side. 
  • I would trust anybody and everybody. 
IN MY PRESENT 
  • I speak to people. But I don’t let them invade my personal space. Started believing that my best friends no matter what stick to me for what I am. 
  • I don’t take shit from people.  
  • I stay detached from the negative causal. 
P.S: I am approachable and you can speak with me always. People who know me, really will understand this. 

To wrap it up, I dedicate this poem written by ‘Karl Fuchs’ to all my friends. 
Whether the day is good or bad, 
Whether I’m feeling happy or sad,
If I have a need, you’ll comprehend;
You’ll be there to share and be a friend. 
Other people may fill my day,
But never in such an important way;
We support each other ’round all life’s bends,
It feels so good when we are friends.